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Sandra Lafazan, LCSW

Licensed Psychotherapist

Stay in Your Own Lane

Is it possible to live our lives while not comparing ourselves to others?  

By Sandra Lafazan, LCSW

Think about it.  It seems that everywhere we go we are put in situations where we unconsciously or consciously do this.  

At the gym, we view others who are in better shape and have appeared to master the workout we are trying to do.  

At home, we view our neighbors as having it all together when they are driving the latest cars and going on exciting travel destinations.   

On social media, there's always that post to drive the point home that people are living well, happy, and with no shortage of friends and social activities.  

When we compare ourselves to others we are doing ourselves a big disservice for many reasons: 

We are comparing ourselves to an illusion of perfection.

We automatically put ourselves down  and devalue our own self worth when we place others on a pedestal. 

 We lose direction in where we need to go when we are occupied with where others are heading.

After all, what does it mean to be perfect?   Who defines it for us?    What does the perfect person look like?   The perfect life?

When we understand that this concept is not grounded in reality we can begin to understand that we are not being fair to  ourselves when we strive to attain that ideal.   Only when we are grounded in reality can we begin to accept our individual truths ie: how our bodies are built, how much money we have, what are individual needs are.

Something happens to us in the comparison process.   For people who are already struggling with an insecure sense of self, seeing the achievements of others only highlights their own inadequacies and contributes to a lessening of confidence. They can give themselves negative self talk that  begins to sabotage their abilities and justifies their inability for success. 

There are some people who don't know what direction they are headed in life's journey: 

           They are not honest about their abilities and hence what realistic achievements can be. 

They are preoccupied with the lives of others and lose sight of where they want or need to go

They are afraid to understand themselves and make peace with their intentions. 

It comes down to a fear of looking at your own life  and knowing what is the best direction to take for you.

It starts with understanding the importance of staying in your own lane and not getting side tracked on the road.

     In therapy we will work together to help you understand why you are not staying in your own lane, and what can be done to help you find the lane that’s right for you.